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Published on 04/28/1997 All articles from this issue

Why does Fido always dump on my lawn?

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A Side of Clyde

Last summer, the Town Crier received a letter from a Los Altos Hills resident, mentioning how unfortunate it is that people can't throw a ball or a Frisbee for their dog in Lincoln Park.

"I use a Draeger's plastic bag and a latex glove and clean up after my dog," the writer said. "As a dog owner, I am very intolerant of dog owners who do not pick up after their pets."

Very seldom does a week go by when there isn't a letter to the editor from a resident who just stepped in some fresh "do." They complain to the city council, the recreation department, the school system and the Town Crier.

Frankly, we need a K911 telephone number to report these problems.

During my lifetime I have had numerous dogs for pets, but I am proud to say I am no longer a dog owner. Who would want to be associated with such a despicable bunch that complain when they step on some soft residue left by a family pet.

Consider the poor farmer who is around horses and cows constantly. Or gardeners whose neighbor's cat likes to use loose ground to cover its biological necessity.

I live on a large lot and am surrounded by dogs. Poodles, spaniels, terriers, German shepherds, Chihuahuas and more. And oh yes, I find deer leavings, raccoon, fox, skunk and opossum droppings. They all help make the lawn green and occasionally brown.

Maybe it's just coincidence, but it seems there's never a drop on the property where the dog lives. And it's not because dog owners are clean freaks. Rather, I think owners often defer their dog's poop to other properties.

When the need arises, Fido's put on a leash and escorted quickly to another yard.

To overcome the problem, one dog owner tried to teach his dog new habits, but he talked to his dog in unfamiliar terms. The dog didn't understand. When the owner went into his study, there was the dog chewing on a dictionary. Fortunately, the owner caught the animal in the act and took the words right out of its mouth.

When you walk downtown, especially on Main and State streets, you will notice the spaces around trees or bushes and discover some one's dog has been there first.

Some dogs are American Legion dogs - they stop at every post. Other dogs are Arctic explorers - they go from pole to pole.

Ever catch a dog poised to poop and watch the rattled, bag-less owner desperately tug the chain and deny the obvious and say, "Let's go Fido, let's go." as the dynamic duo race off to a more secluded spot? It's a heart-warming experience.

Some owners are sneaky. You think they walk Fido at 11 p.m. because they lead a busy life? No, it's because they figure they won't be caught. On a few occasions, I've actually caught owners with their dogs in the act.

Once they are caught, do they do the right thing and carry pooper scooper paraphernalia? No, they just move the problem on to someone else's lawn.

Speaking of Alpo, What did the woman say to her dog before she gave him a lamb chop? Bone appetit!

So having said all this, why is a dog man's best friend? Because he wags his tail and not his tongue.

Clyde Noel is a Town Crier staff writer andbusiness editor.