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Published on 11/17/1997 All articles from this issue

Using imagination at Smithsonian Institute

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By Clyde Noel

A Side of Clyde

Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton, and the average person falls asleep in seven minutes. I learned those facts at the Smithsonian Institute.

One of the best bargains in the United States is a visit to the Smithsonian. The world's largest museum complex consists of 16 museums and galleries and is celebrating its 150th anniversary this year.

Last month I spent three days in Washington, D.C., looking at Smithsonian exhibits that explain our culture and spell out our historical past. Some of the exhibits make you wonder what it would have been like living in the same era as the precious items on display. You leave the Smithsonian with a lot of questions about our culture. Here are some items I never found any answer.

I wonder what the answer would have been if I could have met Mr. Maxwell House and asked him, "What's wrong with the last drop, Mr. House?"

I wonder what it would have been like to ride "up front" with Casey Jones?

I would have enjoyed eating fried chicken with Colonel Sanders and watching him lick his fingers.

I wished someone would have taken a head count to see if Jerry Falwell really did have a majority.

I wish I could have asked Miss Clairol, "Tell me, do you, or don't you?" At the same time, tell which twin had the Toni.

I would have enjoyed meeting Kilroy during World War II. Every place I went, he was there before me and had already left.

I wish I could watch Mr. Goodwrench give my wife's Oldsmobile a tune-up.

I would like to know if the Miss America contest is all that important, tell me who won last year?

I never found out where the seeds from seedless oranges come from.

Did Dr. Kildare ever tell a patient they shouldn't buy any long-playing records?

I would like to know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

I wish I could have danced the closing number when they shut down the old "Grand Ole Opry." I wish they would tell you what was the best thing before sliced bread?

We spent two days walking the Mall on Constitution Avenue checking documents on the American way of life. There are myriad exhibits, including a turn-of-the century display that shows the impact of science on society.

I left the Smithsonian without the answer to a big question. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? Glad I'm not a spider!

Clyde Noel is a longtime contributor to the Town Crier.