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Published on 02/23/1998 All articles from this issue

Do nothing until you hear from me

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By Clyde Noel

A Side of Clyde

I walked in on my wife stuffing her suitcase with dresses, shoes and slacks. "Where have you been so long? Hurry up get your suitcase and start packing. We just won $10 million and we're going to New York City to thank Ed McMahon and pick up our cash," my happy and exuberant wife exclaimed.

"How do you know you won the sweepstakes?" I asked.

"Because Maggie just delivered the mail and it is written in bold letters, 'I am guaranteed $10 million' from Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes and all I have to do is collect the money," she said. "Get yourself up to the back bedroom and get the large suitcase because we'll need it to bring back the money.

"Just think, our lives have changed. I can quit clipping grocery coupons, I won't have to pull into the self-service side at the gas station anymore and we can take cruises for the rest of our lives," my wife said. "Look, we're filthy rich." Then she showed me the official document.

"I don't think we need to go to New York City to collect this prize," I told her. "That's not the way they show it on TV. When they announce the winner they show an armored car parked at the curb, and then Ed comes up the walk and rings your bell. When you open the door he announces you're the sweepstakes winner. The photographer videotapes the moment and then everybody breaks down crying and screaming."

"Not anymore. Everything is changed," she said. "They don't come with a truck anymore. They advise by mail. Just think, we can get the driveway fixed, the house painted."

She was still looking at the document with her name in bold letters and announced she was going to book first-class tickets the next day for both of us.

"Let me look at the document again," I asked. "There must be some little-bitty type in the document that says you have to buy something and you have to identify yourself with all kinds of photo ID."

"Now you have me worried," she said. "When Maggie delivered the document this afternoon she didn't seem excited and she didn't say anything."

"Why should she?" I asked. "She delivers mail. I'll wait until after 4 p.m. and call Maggie and find out whether anybody else received a document from Publishers Clearing House like you received."

Margaret "Maggie" Sandaval has worked in the Los Altos post office for 15 years. She is the carrier on a route that includes sections of Los Altos and Los Altos Hills.

"It seems that every 20th house gets a notice of a winning award from either Readers Digest or Publishers," Sandaval said. "Today when the notice came through notifying your wife she won $10 million, I had a pile at least 4 inches high of $10 million awards to deliver to other addresses on my route. If I remember, everybody's name was in bold and each of the awards said their $10 million was guaranteed."

"Hey honey," I called to my wife, "Instead of getting first-class airline tickets, why don't you charter one of those big busses that seats 300 people. There must be at least that many people in Los Altos who want to go to New York City with a big empty suitcase."