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Published on 03/09/1998 All articles from this issue

On a wet, gray day

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By Charlotte K. Jarmy

Reflections

So much to say. My mind dashes from one topic to another, tumbles around and reels in frustration. There's always the latest White House scandal. I have no inside information. If I had, you would have seen me on Larry King or Oprah.

What I do have is an opinion, but it's an opinion based on optimism that the leader of the free world wouldn't lie to an entire nation - on TV yet! I like Clinton and voted for him twice, mainly because he is such an excellent communicator who looks earnest on the tube and even emotional when offering us his vision of a better world. He is intelligent, a man who absorbs knowledge like the best student I ever had. If, however, he lied and turned the White House into a playground, it will be difficult to believe in those values he espouses so seriously.

There is pain when the president may have been stupid enough to become sexually involved with someone, other than Hillary, right under the eyes of hundreds who worked for him. But now my biggest problem is that I have a hard time remembering the names of the two much-talked about young women in our newspapers. I read "Lipinski" one one page and on the next page, there is "Lewinsky." I know the faces - who doesn't - but it can be confusing. Thank goodness, there is always "Jones."

Another difficult topic is the bombing of Iraq, one more dilemma for the president. Saddam Hussein deserves the worst, but another war? Only seven years from the last? My greatest concern is for the lives of the young men and women we send on this questionable mission. I'd like to quote from the journal of my first husband, a journal written every night after bombing raids over Germany. "Within a week we've lost Capt. Clark, Lt. Dyatt on a practice mission and Lt. Williams on an operational flight, injured by flak ... In war all the finer instincts that stand for civilization are resolved into something base and vile. Survival becomes a way of life ..." We are still suffering the aftershocks of Vietnam and the miseries of the Gulf War. Diplomacy or war; the latest news is that diplomacy may win out. May this be an end to the fear.

What I have been trying to find words for is a most painful event in recent weeks that never made the media. A very dear friend died suddenly and shattered the lives of her loving family and friends. She was one of five of us who have been friends for over 40 years. We met and bonded when involved with an organization and stayed close while our children grew up, married and left home. We five (and our spouses) were just like family, meeting for lunches, dinners and sharing celebrations like bar and bat mitzvahs, weddings and baby showers.

I see Helene before me many times a day in quick flashes, very much alive, laughing and teasing to our delight. There are pictures of the five of us on my refrigerator door along with those of others I love. Now we are four and it hurts.

During mourning services at Helene and Abe's home, we read that "All things pass; all that lives must die. All that we prize is but lent to us, and the time comes when we must surrender it. We are travellers on the same road that leads to the same end."

The loss of such a friend outweighs all the other thoughts I might have shared with you. "Days are scrolled; write on them what you want to be remembered." (Bachya ibn Pakuda) And so I have.