Identified by Dr. Blakewell Pitts, professor of phrenology, Pepperdine University, as told to publisher emeritus Dave MacKenzie
EDITOR'S NOTE: According to Webster's Dictionary, "Phrenology is the study of the skull based on the belief that it is indicative of mental faculties and character."
But says one local psychiatrist, "Phrenologists ought to have their heads examined."
To save precious space for our classified ads, etc. we illustrate men's skulls only. But women should not feel guilt free.
ILLUSTRATION 1
This driver causes road rage by crossing over the double yellow line on winding roads, forcing oncoming motorists into the ditch.
In fact, he's so incompetent he couldn't find his way from Boston to Salt Lake City with a map drawn on his face.
ILLUSTRATION 2
Los Altans suffer road rage from drivers who make u-turns in the middle of blocks to grab a parking space on the other side of the street.
This is not only rude but indicates the driver has criminal tendencies that will find him robbing Dairy Belle's and finally Fort Knox.
He won't be driving again for some time after sentencing. That's the good news.
ILLUSTRATION 3
The skull of a driver who is optically challenged. He causes road rage by stopping at least four lengths in front of the car in a stacking lane.
Cars in back are forced to stop in a through lane.
ILLUSTRATION 4
Intellectual idiocy is the only way to describe this driver. He talks on the car phone with one hand, hold a Starbuck's coffee latte in the other and drives erratically with his toes. He listens to motivational tapes to forward his career, and his vision in obscured by a framed photo of his mother dangling from the rear view mirror. Pull over to the side of the road until he passes.
ILLUSTRATION 5
But let us end on a positive note. Illustrated here is the face of a good driver, one who would never cause road rage. Look in the mirror. It could be you, but that's doubtful. To him, all us other drivers say, "Thanks, buddy."
MacKenzie, co-founder of the Los Altos Town Crier, is a Los Altos Hills resident. He fits none of the above descriptions.