Commentary
The title for this topical and top notch, I might add, piece of writing is borrowed from the most frequently heard bit of advice given to TV viewers: "If you think our product is right for you, just ask your doctor." This ubiquitous phrase is also found in many print ads.
So you've wondered why your doctor is always late for your appointment?
Perhaps "just ask your doctor" is the reason.
Below is a mythical scene in a doctor's office. I should add that the characters in this little drama are purely fictional and are not meant to represent Los Altos citizens, living or dead or hard to tell.
Sorry for this interruption, but the Town Crier's legal counsel requires this caveat. I think they also handle the small print for used car ads.
SCENE: DOCTOR'S OFFICE
DOCTOR, greeting patient: Well, Ed, what brings you here?
PATIENT: Thanks for your time, doc. I just have a few questions that need answers.
DOCTOR: Fine, Ed, but I'm running late, so ...
PATIENT: This won't take a minute. I saw this ad for a company that claims their pills can tighten up one's stomach without time-consuming exercises.
I think the firm name was either "Belly Up" or "Roamin' Abdomin."
Heard of them?
DOCTOR: "Afraid not. And by the way, Ed, you've put on a lot of weight. What about those exercises I asked you to do?
PATIENT: One of my arches fell. Painful to walk. Kept me bound to the couch these past months.
Not changing the subject much, but there was also this ad on TV that said to ask you. Their product is called "Booze & Snooze." Claims one tablet at bedtime earns you a restful night, even if you've tippled too much that eve.
DOCTOR: That reminds me. Did you heed my warning to cut out the hard stuff? Your kidney needs a vacation.
PATIENT: Not exactly, doc. But I'm measuring my drinks now. Speaking of which, I saw this ad for a company that sells a liquid supplement called "Endure." Says if I drink the stuff regular, I'll make my granddaughter's wedding real easy.
What's your advice? They said to ask you.
DOCTOR: You've brought up longevity, Ed. Are you still smoking three packs a day?
PATIENT: Hard to quit, doc. But I'm down to less than two. Would those nicotine patches or gum hypnotism help? They all said to ask you.
DOCTOR: Ed, your time is up, maybe in more ways than you think.
Please leave before I call your HMO providers and have you tossed out bodily.
PATIENT: Glad you mentioned HMO tossing. Am I getting a fair shake? Hey! Don't hit me! I'm going ... I'm going ...
CURTAIN.
(Made of three examination robes and about as useless. Just ask any patient.)
Dave MacKenzie, a Los Altos Hills resident, co-founded the Town Crier in 1947.