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Published on 07/20/1998 All articles from this issue

There is such a thing as a stupid question

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By Clyde Noel

A Side of Clyde

Here is a collection of thoughts and inquiries I have encountered over the last five years while writing columns for the Cupertino Courier and the Los Altos Town Crier.

Many of these questions and observations come from readers, and I don't have an answer for them.

When you go to 3Com (Read: Candlestick) Park, why do they sing "Take Me Out to The Ball Game" when you're already there?

The last couple of weeks have sure been hot. I think we're in for a bad spell of "wether."

I had a consultation with a surgeon and his office was full of portraits by Pablo Picasso. I didn't ask why and didn't go back.

Drive to downtown Los Altos Friday noon, and realize that parking is such street sorrow.

A man at the bar of Mac's American Grill told me no matter how beautiful a woman is, someone, somewhere is tired of her. I didn't agree.

One of the chefs at the Los Altos Bar and Grille said a watched microwave never dings.

They say you are what you eat, but when I'm at a Chamber of Commerce mixer, I lay off the nuts.

A feminist asked me, if they can send a man to the moon, why don't they send all of them?

I asked the veterinarian at Adobe Animal Hospital this: If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? He didn't answer me.

Two of the biggest problems with working in Silicon Valley: making ends meet and making meetings end.

If God is my co-pilot, can I drive in the carpool lane on Interstate 280?

If life were cable television, I conclude that men are from ESPN and women are from Lifetime.

I always forget to ask my minister, "What did Grace do that made her so amazing?"

I can still see the card in Glady's Hallmark that said, "Dates in the calendar are closer than they appear."

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Could you see it?

At San Jose International Airport, I noticed the difference between airline pilots and jet engines is the jet engines stop whining at the gate.

When visiting a carpet store on El Camino Real, I asked if anyone had invented Juiceguard because so few people drink scotch anymore.

Is there a dress code for nudist colonies? If it's more than two lines, I'm sure a lawyer wrote it.

When I walk down Main Street, I notice that stretch pants are a privilege, not a right.

I'm sure other readers have brilliant thoughts they have wondered about. Why not send them to me at the Town Crier.

If stupidity got me into this mess, maybe our stupidity can get us out of it.

Clyde Noel is a longtime contributor to the Town Crier.