Browse archives: 2007 | 2006 | 2005 | 2004 | 2003 | 2002 | 2001 | 2000 | 1999 | 1998 | 1997 | 1996 | 1995

Published on 10/19/1998 All articles from this issue

Cemetery living a real treat

printer friendly version

By Joanne Griffith Domingue

Town Crier Staff Writer

Halloween takes on more serious meaning for those closest to dearly departed

Larry and Joanne Sharkey probably live in the quietest neighborhood in Los Altos. Most likely the safest, too, because people avoid it at night. And they say it is totally peaceful, with neighbors who don't complain.

The Sharkeys live on the grounds of Gate of Heaven Cemetery, in a house sheltered by trees, with views of the hills of Rancho San Antonio County Park.

"When you say, 'Oh, I live at the cemetery,' either conversation stops, or people want to know what it's like," Larry said.

In celebration of Halloween, the Town Crier wanted to know exactly that. But instead of discovering spooky stories, at Gate of Heaven we found a home filled with sunlight and heard poignant vignettes of people lovingly honoring departed family and friends.

Down the road from Gate of Heaven at the small private cemetery at Maryknoll, we found incredible tales of missionary service all in Asia and South and Central America.

Halloween - a hallowed eve - is so named because it is the night before All Saints Day, Nov. 1, and All Souls Day, Nov. 2, days on which Christian churches commemorate the faithful departed.

Many believe the souls not in heaven may come back and haunt those who have wronged them in life. In the early days of honoring the dead, some put out cash or goodies to ward off ghosts and witches.

Some of these traditions have found their way into today's Halloween.

Gate of Heaven

Golden morning light fills the living and dining rooms of the Sharkeys' home at Gate of Heaven Cemetery on Cristo Rey Drive in south Los Altos. Apple-cinnamon potpourri scents the air. Hand-made quilts rest on an oak church pew in front of a fireplace.

Their home is about as far from a stereotypical dark and creepy cemetery image as anything could be.

No only have they heard all the jokes, about people dying to get in and dealing with grave issues. But people also constantly kid them.

Joanne's mother, JeanneMarie, lived with the Sharkeys for the last five years of her life. "She loved to tell her friends she'd moved to the cemetery," Joanne said.

People also wonder what it's like to live at a cemetery.

Joanne, who works for the city of Los Altos as a bookkeeper, entertained her entire city hall department for dinner one night.

"They all came - 100 percent attendance," Joanne said, shaking her head in amazement. "I don't know if it was my cooking - I served cioppino - or the novelty of meeting at the cemetery."

Vendors raise their eyebrows when the Sharkey's order something to be delivered - to the cemetery.

Their antique oak dining room set was the first furniture they bought for the house, before they moved in back in 1989.

When the truck arrived, the house was empty. The delivery men looked around, as though they were wondering what was going on, Larry said.

Gate of Heaven is a Catholic cemetery that serves Santa Clara County. Larry is a professional cemeterian, who is superintendent of Calvary Cemetery in San Jose.

And the Catholic church owns the house where the Sharkeys live.

Larry said 8,000 to 9,000 people are interred at Gate of Heaven, on land that includes 58 acres. Currently 20 acres are developed.

The Sharkeys consider themselves stewards of the land, of what they call "the sacred grounds. We have a sense of how life is a real gift."

Joanne believes a cemetery is "an extension of a community. What happens in a community is reflected in a cemetery."

Larry tells of the mother and child who came to visit a departed loved one and spread a blanket on the grass, next to the marker. The child held a balloon, and they "had a little picnic."

Joanne remembers Pete who came every day for 10 years to visit his wife. "We knew when he wasn't here, and we'd wonder if Pete was OK," she said.

"It was like clockwork," Larry said, "a real connection of love until the last day of his life."

Joanne's favorite day at the cemetery is Memorial Day, because "Scouts fly flags, people bring children," she said. It's important to bring little ones to the cemetery, she believes, so the "children are not afraid."

She tells of seeing sandwiches and beer - "always empty" - left at a graveside. "Usually it is someone in their 20s or a teenager," who died, she said.

Visiting at the cemetery, bringing momentos, pictures and picnics, "is part of the healing," Larry said. "It's a way of saying, "I haven't forgotten you. You're in my thoughts."

Larry calls a funeral a "snapshot, of the last time a family is together. And we want to frame that just right."

Both Sharkeys, both 49, have been married 28 years and have a 24-year-old son. They treasure their life at Gate of Heaven.

"Living here is not about us living on a cemetery," Larry said. "What drew us is being a lay person in a ministry. The whole property is special."

Maryknoll

Gate of Heaven is not the only cemetery with a Los Altos address. Just up the road on Cristo Rey is Maryknoll, a home for retired Catholic priests who had been missionaries.

The upturned corners of the roof on the Maryknoll building that was built in 1926, give silent testimony to the numbers who served in Asia.

Maryknoll is the official missionary branch of the U.S. Catholic church, Jensen said.

On Maryknoll's grounds is a cemetery where 28 brothers and priests are buried.

The oldest marker commemorates Brother Augustine McKernan, 1896-1937.

And the most recent is from 1995, a year in which four were buried in the small cemetery.

The Rev. Jensen, superior of the house, points to the stone for the Rev. James P. Curtin, 1919-1994.

"I worked with this man," Jensen said. Curtin lived and worked for "close to 40 years" in Guatemala, Jensen said. "There's a lot of history here. He had a very special rapport with the Mayan Indians."

Curtin's marker reads, "He had compassion for them."

Jensen, 63, spent 28 years in Guatemala until he had fled for his life. He continued returning to Guatemala for another eight years. But he stopped when his friends were beaten and tortured for working with him.

One can almost feel a cloud of witnesses surrounding the sacred space. Jensen points to a marker. "He spent 45 years in Bolivia."

Consider the Rev. Richard B. Rhodes, 1902-1995.

"He spent 58 years in China." Jensen remembers talking with Rhodes and being asked when he was born. When Jensen said, "1935," Rhodes answered, "Oh, in 1935, a tiger ate my horse," as he traveled across China.

The most recent marker, for the Rev. William A. Bergan, 1914-1995, reads, "Father in your hands I commend my spirit."

Jensen explained, "he was found already dead in his room with his hands open. We thought it may have been his last thoughts."