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Published on 12/14/1998 All articles from this issue

Mall vs. the manger

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By Joanne Griffith Domingue

Town Crier Staff Writer

Residents share how they keep the true meaning of Christmas in their hearts

When Susan Watters first read about the retreat, "The Mall or the Manger: Where Are You Going to Celebrate Christmas?," she wanted to go.

But "what timing," she thought. It was scheduled for the weekend of Dec. 4-6 at the Jesuit Retreat House in Los Altos, the beginning of the busy holiday season.

Then it dawned on her. "That's the whole point. That's why it's a good idea," said the Los Altos resident. "I love Christmas." But sometimes she feels overwhelmed. And "Sometimes by Christmas I feel real empty, let down."

So she made time for the retreat, hoping it would help her "get back to the true meaning of Christmas."

And it did. "It renewed me. It is the nicest gift anyone can give themselves."

She shared the gift with her sister-in-law, Deborah Watters Graber, also her best friend, also a Los Altos resident. The two went together.

Graber was ready. "The holidays seem more demanding each year - gifts, cards, spending, eating, parties," she said.

For her, the retreat was a "temporary reprieve from all those pressures. Each one of us has the spirit of Christmas in our hearts," she said. The retreat allowed her time "to reflect on that."

During the weekend, the Rev. Jim Hanley led the group in some "prayer methodologies," Watters said.

One involved holding onto a certain word "and reflecting on it," Watters said.

"I used 'light.'" She likes the concept of light and talked of how the light of Christ is the "hope in our world. We can be a light to one another," she said, to light the darkness, to show the way.

Now, "If I'm working on a fund-raiser and become totally snarly, I think, 'I'm not reflecting light.'" Thinking back on the retreat and "her" word, "It's a way to keep refocusing. Maybe that will reflect out to others."

Graber chose the word "peace."

"You need to find inner peace, peace in our surroundings," she said.

Since the retreat she has been in charge of two holiday boutiques and teas and attended numerous party events. She has made 500 tea sandwiches for a friend.

"You can get caught up in the gift giving, the eating," Graber said.

Then she remembers. "You have to stop yourself and reflect."

And you can feel "peace within yourself," Watters said.

"Maybe that will reflect out to others," Graber said.

Christmas healing

"Christmas memories are not all bright," Hanley said. So as part of the weekend retreat, he included a healing service.

He invited those at the retreat to reflect on where they still need healing, on "what's keeping me from feeling peaceful at Christmas."

Hanley said people feel they're supposed to be cheerful, "to go around smiling for a month." They base a happy holiday on "everything being perfect" in their lives. "We're so busy. There are so many expectations."

But he warns against basing holiday joy on material things.

"Then we miss the true source of joy - that Christmas - the birth of Christ - has come into our lives."

Hanley described some who feel crushed by all the holiday activities, the expectations all around. For others, magazine covers that share 400 tips for holiday happiness invoke major angst.

Many may feel their love is measured by the dollar value of gifts they give.

"If we find Christmas joy in the coming of Christ, we will always have a joyful Christmas," Hanley said. "If we focus on filling all expectations, making everyone else happy instead of finding joy, we'll be anxious."

He advises, "don't let details derail. Don't get all worked up about greeting cards.

"Christmas is a celebration of God's light in our dark world," he said.

Christmas light

Nancy Bettini lets her light shine. The decorations on her home on Miravalle Avenue in Los Altos drew attention from all over the county, and more than once won awards.

But putting up and taking down the decorations became too much.

"It's a lot of work," she said. So last year the decorations stayed in storage. It nearly broke her heart.

This year they are back, but at her son's home in Santa Clara, where Bettini lived before she moved to Los Altos in 1990. And they are winning awards again.

The decorations include a manger, "smack dab in the middle.

"And a sign says 'Happy Birthday Jesus,'" she said.

When she stood and saw her decorations back up, "Tears rolled down my eyes. I felt so close to the Lord.

Through her decorations, she hopes people feel "the love of the Lord.

"The Lord gave me this ministry of joy, the way I do this. We don't charge. We don't sell anything. We celebrate Jesus' birth and want to share it with everyone."

People come in droves to see her decorations. While in Los Altos, her home was known all over town.

Now in Santa Clara, it continues to draw crowds.

"I loved meeting all the people, greeting them," she said.

The wise men in her manger scene bring gifts to the Christ child.

"We give gifts to one another, in relation to the Christ child. He got gifts. They came with all kinds of goodies.

"And you have to buy them at the mall. It's a sign of love when we shop. The people at the mall have to live too. We must take care of one another."

For Bettini, Christmas embraces the mall and the manger. Today's wise men and women bear gifts for their loved ones.

Through her decorations, which continue with her son, she celebrates Jesus' birth and shares it with everyone.

Bettini's decorations are at 2161 Sheraton Drive, in Santa Clara. To find them, "follow the star," she said, that is up on the chimney.