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Published on 07/14/1999 All articles from this issue

Los Altos in danger of losing common courtesy

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By Susan Kerr

Other Voices

Common courtesy is becoming less common in Los Altos.

This sad fact hit home the other day in one of the many battlegrounds of my daily life, the supermarket checkout line, when I told a woman behind me to go ahead. As she pushed her cart - which was as full as mine - in front of me, she looked at me with an expression of unmitigated triumph as if to say that she had won, she had beat me to the front of the line.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. Whatever happened to "after you?" Surely, shouldn't there have been a few seconds of polite banter where we each insisted that the other go ahead, before one of us graciously gave in?

Instead, this well-dressed, obviously well-to-do woman didn't even know the words "thank you."

It would be nice to think that this was an isolated, meaningless experience, but it isn't. Day in and day out, from bank-teller lines, parking lots, restaurants to school pick-up and drop-off zones, I find countless examples of people who just can't or won't be bothered to give someone else a break. More and more, people here seem to think their lives are too important or too busy to take the few seconds it requires to be courteous.

What makes this issue stand out in my mind is that that the wealth in this area is staggering. Yet unfortunately, the mindset that accompanies this money seems far too often to be "I've worked hard to get this money, so I deserve to be first." Maybe the aggressiveness it takes to succeed at the latest Internet start-up is carrying over to the push to get through the door at Starbucks.

Lest you think that I'm aiming to be the next Miss Manners, I'm not. I grew up in New York City, so I would have thought that I was inured to fast, pushy behavior. Sadly, after 14 years of living in Los Altos, I'm starting to think that the Big Apple has nothing on my adopted town.

Take my ex-neighbor, a Los Altos native who recently moved away to escape the relentless Los Altos pace.

One episode that helped him make up his mind to leave occurred after a new million dollar-plus house was built across the street. Upon seeing his new neighbor at her mailbox, he walked up and introduced himself. Her response? "So?" she said. Apparently, the act of being welcomed to the neighborhood was too much for this woman.

Certainly, there are many fine people in Los Altos who are friendly and courteous, and perhaps I should try harder not to take notice of the ones who aren't. But more and more I find myself thinking that if we want to keep calling Los Altos a "village" then we "villagers" should try a little harder to maintain some of the qualities that drew us here in the first place.

Kerr is a resident of Los Altos and a contributor to the Town Crier.