Over the last ten years I usually stop at the Barber's Stylist in the Village Court to get my hair cut and the other day I discovered something about myself that is disconcerting.
The Stylist has about six barbers cutting hair and when a barber said "next," I put down Sports Illustrated magazine and took the barber's chair.
Ernie Salazar has cut hair at the shop for many years and after I told him I wanted a trim, I suggested he even my side burns and trim the eyebrows.
"Shall I cut the hair in your ears?" Ernie asked. I couldn't believe I had hair in my ears because that's a sure sign of aging.
Over the last couple of years I expected certain manifestations of the aging process like crow's feet at the side of my mouth and gray hair on my chest. I didn't expect hair in my ears for a couple more years.
To be assured this problem wasn't caused by some hormonal change in my body, I checked the Internet for ear hair, and then called my doctor. He said it doesn't mean a thing.
I was relieved to hear that good news. I felt even better when checking out pictures of former presidents Rutherford B. Hayes and Ulysses Grant who both had hair sticking out of their ears.
Then I remembered my grandfather left his ear hair grow unchecked. He liked it that way because he could suffer automatic hearing loss when my grandmother asked him to take out the garbage or wash the windows in the kitchen. Another thought came to mind about Van Gogh. Did he cut off his ear accidentally as he was trying to shave the hair in his ear?
So my barber told me men don't need to suffer the indignities inflicted on them by our whimsical creator. Nose hair, ear hair, gray hair, thinning hair and no hair can be treated by cosmetologists.
Gerry, a local realtor, has ear hair and drops in at a beauty parlor to get a facial. They clean his face with exfoliates and remove all unwanted hair.
The American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery estimates $1.36 billion is spent on hair alone. Wigs and toupees account for $400 million, hair transplants $789 million, and sales of men's hair dye has tripled the past 10 years.
According to Fortune Magazine, marketers are wondering what men want to buy to retain their vanity. They say a man's cosmetic shortcomings are apt to be a career liability. If the business world is prejudiced against ugly people, then more men will color their hair and keep their bodies in shape with exercise machines.
And then there are girdles and body foundations for men, but that's a story for another time.
I know I can't run as fast or jump as high as I once could, but in the immortal words of my grandfather, "The best thing about getting older is you don't have to put up with nearly as much manure as you once did."
So if that's the case, the next time my barber Ernie says, "Shall I cut the hair in your ears?" I'll tell him, "Only a slight trim please. I want to continue my voyage to senior citizenry in an attractive manner, but I don't want to look like the picture I saw in the history book of President Rutherford B. Hayes."
Clyde Noel is a longtime contributor to the Town Crier.