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Published on 10/27/1999 All articles from this issue

The mommy dress code

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By Joan Passarelli

Blue Jeans & Jelly Beans

The basic mommy uniform is jeans or shorts. If you are walking to coffee with friends later, then wear terrifically padded walking shoes and cushiony socks with them. If you're staying home with toddlers, try white Keds with no socks. These, besides being easy to slip on, make your feet look smaller.

If you like to wear dresses, go for it. They should not be fitted, though, and should have very little waist, to hide the state your middle's in after a few kids. A print fabric is a plus: it will cover up the applesauce smears from the first grade cooking project. These mommy dresses may be worn with sandals or Keds and ankle socks, but not normally with nylons (see below).

If you don't feel like showering that morning, just show up in your exercise clothes and grimy hair, and everyone will assume you are headed to the gym and excuse you. An old college sweatshirt helps to remind yourself that you once had a working brain. Spandex, however, especially below the waist, is not recommended unless you already have quite visible benefits from your workout routine.

If you have any benefits, then show them off. Bare the calves that are thinning down, or the abs that are starting to tighten and harden. But smart mommies will try not to look too gorgeous. It's not good to arouse jealousy among people who have traded muscular definition for cookie baking.

Stockings, though a basic fashion item for women in the rest of society, stop traffic at school. If you show up in nylons and are not known to hold an office job, you will receive a barrage of questions from the other moms. "Are you going out to lunch? Are you doing something wonderful?" they'll ask, thinking of the piles of laundry they themselves have scheduled for that morning. You'd better be prepared with a fascinating itinerary, preferably involving San Francisco and a great restaurant. Tell it well, and let them sigh wistfully. They're not envious, just enjoying the vicarious pleasure.

Mommies love seasonal clothes. Sweaters with laughing pumpkins, swirling leaves, and glittering holiday stars will get you compliments and big smiles. They will also keep people noticing the paint stains on your jeans or the holes in your sneakers. Holiday-themed jewelry like wooden pumpkin necklaces or candy-corn earrings is even better, because you can wear it multiple days without washing clothes in between.

Any mommy with children under 3 is permitted, no, expected, to have spit-up on her shoulder and be wearing sweats. Ponytails are the preferred hairstyle, and makeup is out of place entirely. Furthermore, a baby in arms is a marvelous fashion asset. If the baby is awake, cheerful, and amenable to being passed around, so much the better.

The best thing to wear, though, is something your child made. Pull out the colored macaroni necklace and dazzle the crowd. Wear the pin your 5-year-old made out of a Christmas-tree light and be the height of chic.

If you pull on a sweatshirt adorned with purple handprints and "I love you mom" scrawled in fabric paint, you'll make the most precious fashion statement of all.

Passarelli, a mother of three, tries to follow the mommy dress code whenever she's on campus.