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Published on 12/01/1999 All articles from this issue

Should women take their hats off, too, in a country club atmosphere?

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The Manners Lady

Dear Manners Lady: I'm interested in learning the etiquette in a country club grill room where hats are not allowed. Is it acceptable for women to wear golf-type hats or visors in this environment, when men cannot?

Dear Not Sure: The tradition of well-mannered men removing their hats when indoors is a carry-over from two medieval customs.

The first deals with comfort. Medieval armor was extremely heavy, and so men removed their helmets as soon as possible after they dismounted in the courtyard, thus going bare-headed into the home. Since women's headgear was so much lighter than armor, there was no need for its removal.

In the second custom, removing one's helmet before entering another's home displayed trust that the host would not harm his visitor, that the host's home was a place of safety. Women did not need to display this overt symbol of trust because the codes of chivalry precluded any harmful act against them.

I'm pleased that your club is struggling to keep the traditions of good manners and is maintaining high standards against the onslaught of today's much more careless behavior. In direct answer to your question, yes, women may wear hats and visors indoors in any setting. Notwithstanding the general rule, courtesy might dictate removing the hat if it is blocking someone's view in a theater.

"Manners Lady" is the pseudonym of Naomi Torre Poulson, founder and director of the Etiquette School of Palo Alto, which offers a comprehensive curriculum for children, youths and adults in contemporary, social, communication, and dining skills.